iLLWil
hoem


Now Entrancing . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . gnicnartn3 woN

Who I do now


Panikhita is the hit. They like to say. Here is the say.


Panikhita for Dummies


How often do you hear true weakness in a man’s voice? When the man has lost his only daughter through a crisis for which he now fully blames himself, often.

This is the sad story that makes up this sonnet set in a sad setting.

Abruptly taken off guard, the first time listener is taken aback by this relatively alien melodic melody mixed in with the deaf beats that make up the rest of this soon-likely-to-be-potentially-”well-received” album. What truly is stunning, especially to the most refined auditory observers, is that this champion track is subtly sitting in a blend of the typlically funky songs we expect from this artist. After repeated listening, the peculiarity of this track, in stark contrast to those around, becomes prevalent. Is this subtle, yet obvious, song the product of a man this young? Hardly, for sure. In summation, once this song’s sound waves meet your craving ear drums, you’ll notice its subtle strokes of serene complexity. Sophomoric? To wit!

I will now breakdown the track from beginning, to middle, to the following part, to the end.
SPOILER ALERT!!
(If you havent listened to this song, LEAVE)

This song shall be broken into five simple pieces:
1)Symphonic Regency
2)Resentment
3)Regretful Acceptance
4)Guarded Regard
5)Fin
Each part shall than be potentially broken into more complex, fun, pieces.



1)Symphonic Regency


(Perfume for the Soul)
Leomund Chartierielle’Jeaus
Usher at Rotchester Family Performance House (Sections CC and DD), Part-Time Mime

The strings set the mood for this song from the get-go. The purpose is to provide a context for which the rest of the song to flow. The simple 4/4 pattern of the song is noticeable to all. The second chord’s harmonic rise from the first leads directly to the higher pitched third chord, the peak, before descending to the harmonious fourth chord , setting up the repeat. Minimal input, maximum flavor.

This trend is important because it mirrors the simple complexity of the pathos of a crossed man.





2)Resentment


(A butterfly, a wasp, a leaf; hope, lust, despair)
Jean “Gene” Lapelliere
Student, seeking Certificate of Rhetoric, Watkatuknee Community Center, Watkatuknee, Lousiana. Member of Born Again Virgins, Plantnuck County Chapter, Co-chair of the Social Committee.

Adolescence being behind the better of us, We understand the misguided angst of our most cherished loved ones. What is difficult to term with, is when that misguided angst is correctly directed at us. Logic is used to defend our actions and discredit those of others. This action is only made easier when we ourselves have been guilty, perhaps in past lives, of the same actions. Youthfull people are obviously incorrect if forming judgments, especially when the judgments specifically have to do with these three items: 1)What is best for them 2)Politics 3)The true nature of love.

First off, let me begin this new paragraph by formally apologizing to everyone affected by the breadth of my errorneous judgments of the past...(especially Antoinette.). I have learned from my mistakes and accept your sympathetic encouragement to continue making judgments. My heart and mind and soul have become harmonious and with the will of He, the pride of Man shall open upon itself to a new era in which children will follow the word of the guardian with no more hesitation than a lap dog or simple servant, for they shall understand, as I now realize I wish I did, to respect the wise elders of the current.

True to that purpose, I believe that the second movement of Panikhita serves a worthy purpose, not only to remind us of the cause of the wounds and of the root of the scar, but also to serve a purpose. That purpose being to illuminate the seed with which our existence has since bloomed.

It could be argued that in this quarter of Panikhita, as well as in the vunerable spots in our life, we reach a point in our life.

A “Point”. This implies that two paths of different origin cross, with neither sides path extending beyond into visibility, at one point...and to this I beg to question: How is it possible that a man, One Man, can, simultaneously live a life in which he is travelling from two seperate origins? How can a man, One Man, span both sides of the blade of a fan....sport both a pale and a tan....drink from a bottle and a can? It is impossible, is not it? I cannot imagine how anyone could argue it to be true...

That is, to say, until having been served the cereal who’s milk is forever cold and who’s consistency is always crunchy:

“Speak of no such things/
many commonly said to me”

Forget the truth of the past, for that is all it is! In our hands lies not only the power to take life away but also the power to forgive. Use that power to first forgive yourself and then to forget the torment we put ourselves through. ‘Speak it not!’ they say.

“for one can never know/
due to urges suddenly”

They urged that my ‘Self righteous control will never be loyal to the truth that permeates our being. Only the acceptance of guilt can breed the discipline needed to stay afloat in truth.’

“that can bloody virgin ears/
and turn roses into thorns”

They claim the verbalization of my reality pollutes the innocent and tarnishes the beauty and replicates the beast. How easy if must be for them.

“...shallow strangers out of peers/
make a demon earn it’s horns”

Rejection by those whose love is shared, based on a contradictory belief, is unfortunate and liable to make a heart feel nude. Every time a bell rings, an angel gets it’s wings...Every time I “speak of my pain” a demon earns its most noticeable charm.

“Fearful of accepting/
what you and I both know”

We all know the truth! Why, is it then, so impossible for you to admit?!? Why is it so deplorable for me to speak of it?!

“My daughter, laid to rest/
rest in peace, even though...”

My daughter’s passing, as painful it alone is, cannot begin to reach the depths of pain resulting from her whorish activities. Many misinterpret the line: ‘laid to rest’ believing it belongs simply to multiply and add to the line ‘rest in peace’...meaning, of course, that she has died. This is unfortunate because it more correctly modifies the following line: ‘You a ho’.

When I inform people that they are, of this, mistaken, they dont believe me. Simply stated, my daughter had difficulties facing the troubles of the world; in fatigue she often turned to sexual sin...she ‘LAID to REST’

“You a ho!”

This statement is meant to be directed at my daughter, and through my own ignorant use of the English language and its proper tenses and viewpoint consistencies, led some listeners to believe I was calling them a ho. As such, that erroneous interpretation, was probably most often a correct summation of the listener of the song being that even those of Sodom and Gommorha would cringe of discomfort when witness to the silk thong panties that our schoolchildren are purpotedly wearing underneath their short shorts. I know I do.

“The others wish to ignore this/
letting bygones be just that”

Why do they attack my intentions! I need to explore my pain in order to move forward with the little life of mine that remains! Please, worry not of my diminished pride! I have too much pain to contain!

“but when other kids were skinning knees/
you’d come down with the clap”

Simply put...my daughter has always been a whore...why lie?...

This man HAS traveled two paths! One path, created instantaneously at the period that he sinned against his daughter, which, being the TRUTH, would forever carry on, towards the future, originating in the past. This path would always be present, no matter what anyone said.

The other path is the one lain by denial and the dismissal of guilt. This man knew the path well, the texture of it under his feet was one of comfort. We often find comfort in things we create; in this case, so did he.

It is at this point in the song that our narrator has indeed reached the point of two crossing paths and he must now choose to navigate the one he see’s fit: The one of truth....or the one he IMAGINES to be true... Makes you think, doesnt it?





Regretful Acceptance


(Believe in yourself when no one else does, and you will know your friends from your enemies when you reach the top)

Ms. Michelle-Ann
Aspiring Actor/Singer, currently understudy for lead role in the Norfair Theatre Troupe’s reprisal of Hat Head.
(as told to Mikael Hapschmutt, ILLWIL.com intern)


Michelle-Ann: The first time had I heard this song, I had just got back to my apartment after hanging out with some friends. It was funny because we had just gotten in this big arguement about what clothes people wear that are too revealing and how when that happens how it makes some people feel uncomfortable and all. Apparently I had offended someone, and I did try apologizing for this, but I had offended someone with my favorite skirt.

Now I’ll be the first to admit that I am a flirt and that I wear provocative clothing and all but people who know, people who know who I am and where I came from know how important my clothing is to my identity, and for someone to be offended with my clothing, well, that means they got a problem with me, know what I’m sayin’. And you see, I had had these new stockings on and it won’t like they wasn’t covering up my legs and, and if you could see any higher up my legs, like if you were trying to look, and see up my legs you could see my, you know, undergarments, im sure like if you was lookin’. But even then it aint like what you seein’ down there aint like your pool clothes or nothing. I mean look at what the got on TV and all, you’ve got dogs humpin’ and, you’ve got these people who think they can do what ever they want like, ‘Hey, look at me!’

But me and Kendra ended up yelling at each other, and, well, let me tell you something about Kendra... she’s the type of person that, whenever you put her with other people, bad things happen. And, like, you could tell that if she wasnt there, then we would be, like, having a great time, and believe me, it was obvious that I wasnt the only person that who noticed. Now, granted, I do have the benefit of having gotten my mother’s observatory skillset, which, obviously, is why I chose to pursue a career in movies, but, like I was saying, everybody was getting tired of her, and we were getting tired of putting up with her, so she said something, that was, like, inappropriate, to which, like my mother raised me, God rest her soul, to not be fearful of confronting someone when they have crossed the line.

Kendra did not appreciate my concern and, in fact, she did one of those ‘pfft’ things, you know and ‘pfft” rolled her eyes, which is when I called her a bitch, because you know, she was. And it aint like it was news, damn. Her mother probably called her a bitch, probably slapped her. Or, at least, she should’ve. I know I would have. You know, I bet if her mom probably would have taken the time to properly discipline her daughter, this whole thing wouldn’t not never have happened, and if Kendra weren’t such a bitch, then like, the world would be happier.

But, anyhow, where was I? Oh, so like, Kendra, at this point, just lost, lost control. She called me an ‘over-priced-two-bit slut-whore’, at which point I had decided, that I would be the better person and I just got up and left. You know, BAM, gone. Boy, I’d hate to be a cricket on a wall in that room.

But, yeah, I had just gotten back to my apartment after picking up some stuff from the market, and I put my keys down on the table like I always do, when I remembered I forgot to pick up some milk because I had spilled the bottle earlier and had to clean it all up. And, like I had always done, I had taken off my heels, you know, men will never appreciate what we women do, to, you know, like, put up with them, and I was walking in the kitchen when I stepped in some of that sticky milk mess that I must have missed, and like, let me tell you, when you’re in stockings, ladies, you know what Im talking about, if your stocking gets, like, caught on something when you’re going to step, then what happens then is that your foot, your foot goes up the stocking, like when you take it off, but if only goes up so far, and then you like, can’t move your foot far enough forward, cause its, like, caught in a stocking, so, BAM, im falling over like a one-legged drunk on a bicycle and I hit, the first part of my body to hit the ground is my knee, the one that I had hurt in gymnastics seventeen months ago, which cut my promising dance career short, and you, like, know, that my lawyer is like, this close to getting that damn YMCA for all their money, because like, who has tumblimg mats, but, like, doesnt properly secure them down. I mean my moves are progressive, and I like, need a more secure mat, and they should provide me with one. But, you know, my lawyer is handling that one, and he says we have a good chance of coming out on top.

But, when I was laying there, with my knee, like exploding, I was thinking. And I was, like, performing my exercises like my psychic-relationship advisor told me, like, sitting there, like, finding my core. And, then, like this song came on. Panikhita, came on, and I was like listening to it and feeling it. And I felt it, and I was like, yeah this thing got it going on, you know. And it got to its middle part, and I was like, ‘Oh, my god, yes’

And, like, you know, I don’t know what he’s singing about but, I heard “You a ho” and I knew. I knew. I’m like, yeah, Kendra the ho. I know, like, that song is about her. Or people like her, cause I dont know what that song is about, but Kendra is a ho and that song is about ho’s and its about Kendra

Ive got one
thing I like to say to Kendra. Kendra: “You a ho!” (laughs)



Guarded Regard


(Offer me your hand,
The endless ride now begins.
I have no control.)

Mitch Jameson Leary. Idealistic Humanist. Word artist, specialty in hycoo.


“your number’s written on the walls/
k-y your currency”

Those who use the lube/
are lusted by the horny./
They want a piece, too.

“always on you hands and knees/
but not to beg or plea”

How is the weather/
way down where you now reside?/
Gold showers ahead.

“You were a famous actress/
terror, glee and despair.”

Your best scene evar,/
Was when your teacher taught you/
how to love a man.

“but never one to be too shy/
when cum was in your hair”

Explicit? Perhaps./
Do not forget the shampoo./
Lather. Rinse. Repeat.

“For these things I forgive/
Transgressions willful and without”

When the pain is gone/
guilt makes up all that is left/
we all err. My bad.

“it is I who should feel shameful/
my veins filled with the grout”

The love a dad has/
will often be missed by child./
Ingrateful ingrates.

“I never said ‘I love you’/
too in love with myself”

I know what you want/
But I have too much fear now/
Please leave me alone.

“Steam rises from an open wound/
of this the smog is thick”

Indians believe,/
sorry... Native ‘mericans/
that steam is soul. Hmmm

“mind above all else/
my stomach becoming sick.”

This is confusing./
I do not understand this./
Oh, I get it...Ha.

“my misery’s companions/
are pity, grief, and shame”

I am not alone/
Misery seeks company/
Sup? How you doing?

“of you I am not embarrassed/
it is I who am to blame.”

Bonds that cannot break/
may find themselves beaten up./
Who is your daddy?

 


Fin

(Quiet things, when compared to things much quieter, appear loud.)

Unknown
Respondent to random, audio-recorded web email survey about the success of iLLW!L's Panikhita


I don't know who Will[sic] is, but I hope he starts feeling better. Tell him to have faith and keep holding on to hope. Surely with the technology we have today we will be able to cure his panic-hitta[sic].

Sincerely[sic],

Unknown